Provincial Buses are 24/7




I play a big part in our country's public transportation community. I am an everyday figure in our Metro Rail Transit, an avid supporter of provincial bus lines, a jeepney connoiseur, a tricycle veteran, a taxi fan, a tenured commuter. Do not get me wrong, I have also wanted to have a car of my own. But commuting has its own perks, believe me.


I started this affair with public transportion when I worked somewhere along Ayala Avenue, Makati City. I travel everyday from Sto. Tomas, Batangas to Makati and back. Of course, I have planned to get a place of my own to spare me the hassle of it all, but as more and more tickets are being piled in my suitcase, I realized that it is not what I want. You see, commuting has its own perks.


But, of course, there is the thing about the rain, or typhoons, or hurricanes, or earthquakes, or a deluge, but these are not everyday situations. I think of them as those peanuts which are supposed to be lost in your McFlurry Oreos. For instance, just yesterday, I had to go to a Taft Avenue bus station to get a ride home, despite the bitter fact that all it takes me to do that was a couple of cartwheels after SM Megamall to hail one. You see, the clouds of Shaw Boulevard was pouring droplets of rain as big as cats and dogs, and my Fibrella just went berserk because of the wind. (The X-Men fan in me cursed Ororo and her temper.) So I crossed the street through MRT and was saved from the rain, also because there are buses going to Taft already waiting there in the shed. So there I was headed to Taft, doubling my usual travel time, where I can comfortably board one of those provincial buses to take me home.


I have been a prominent figure of the daily public transportation system for a almost 4 years now. Commuting is a part of my routine. I commute when I go out on gimmicks, and sleeping over at a friend's place after a night-out has never been an option for me. Provincial buses are a 24/7 thing.


One of my favorite bus escapades were those rides which took off somewhere in the Bicol region. These buses are a little community in their own right, where people have pillows and blankets, sound asleep in their rather cramped seats. seeing them is an ennobling experience: the elderly couple sharing a meal of menudo and rice, with two little children waiting for their turns to be spoon-fed, and Lola is very careful in case the ride gets bumpy.


People ask me if I ever get tired, my usual answer is, "No, it's just an hour or so away only." What I never tell these people is that I use this spare time to think, to reflect. Sometimes, I get inspired to write a poem. Or essays. Or maybe mull over a book. I used to read novels on my way but later I discovered the thrill of reading your mind. I have also read somewhere that if you are mad at somebody, it is rather healthy to just think about how you want to get even with them. Ergo, I have tortured and wrecked the lives of a lot of people already in these bus rides.
Not only do I kill people in these bus rides, but I also enriched quite a number of lives, including my own of course, in these affairs. I made mental notes about telling a friend about this new shampoo that might revive her hair or about a certain Sbarro pasta that I'll have my mom try. What with the Lotto jackpot billboard, I was able to buy the latest BMW topdown car and found myself cruising the streets of New York City.


Commuting has its perks, I'm telling you. The spare time you have for yourself while travelling is all yours to meditate or just let those thoughts fly. As for my case, I let my meditations fly and have me catch them later in a sheet of paper. In these hour-long bus rides, in these fifteen-minute jeepney rides, my Muses find me, whispering in my ears amidst the proverbial hustle and bustle of traffic.


Maybe my Muses reside in these public means of transportation, and maybe what I should have said earlier was "public transportation plays a very big part in me." As perky as the car could get, as bumpy as the road could be, that's how the wind shall blow through the window next to my seat.

Rav De Castro
expressions
02:42

7.05.2006

Volatility




Funny how you sometimes can't name how you are feeling. Believing that capturing these feelings in a capsule called a word could make you feel better, you desperately try and give a name to it. Lonely is too common, depressed is rather overrated. Angry is not what it is exactly, but irritable could pass but only for one little aspect of it. It's a little crazy, yes, crazy. But not crazy psychological, it's crazy like chaotic, or maybe crazy helter-skelter to reduce its weight. Having a name to call your situation also will make it easier for you to be able to tell it to a friend, the usual emotional catharsis especially when you are incapable of tears. To top it all, just thinking about this magnifies your frustration.


My frustration.


Now, I think I'll call myself "volatile."


Noah Webster and his partner Merriam seemed to be a little confused when they gave a definition to this word. Gladly I was able to resolve this myself. As per their online dictionary, VOLATILE means


1 : flying or having the power to fly2 a : LIGHTHEARTED, LIVELY b : easily aroused c : tending to erupt into violence : EXPLOSIVE3 a : unable to hold the attention fixed because of an inherent lightness or fickleness of disposition b : characterized by or subject to rapid or unexpected change4: difficult to capture or hold permanently.


Well, if only I could fly then one of my problems is solved already! I'll immediately fly away from my so-called home. Well, that's another word that is society's shit. You are obliged to call the house where you live with your folks, (e.g. parents, siblings) your "home." I thought "home is where the heart is?!"


And lighthearted and lively? That is a farce. But easily aroused and tending to erupt into violence, holds true for me. And I can even admit that I am right now "unable to hold the attention fixed because of an inherent lightness or fickleness of disposition." I'd rather not reiterate on this because I have this paranoia that broadcasting on my blog the situation of my relationship with my partner might magnify whatever bump there is on our road and might send us flying off to yet another rockier road, not chocolate but bitter, dirty mud. You see, the way I am juggling my relationship with my partner and my relationship with my inner demon is "characterized by or subject to rapid or unexpected change." Yet none of them is open to that change.


Despite these loopholes and inconsistencies, I'll say I'll call myself volatile. That's the closer word I can find. That's the easiest way for me to bridle this berserk animal I call my emotions. With that, I won't be "difficult to capture or hold permanently" anymore. Then I might be able to reconcile my partner and my inner demon. Thus, harmony. Despite volatility.

Rav De Castro
expressions
01:21

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7.01.2006

Nakakabobo ang Wisdom Tooth




Sampung minuto bago ang ala-una. Apatnapung minuto bago ang lunch. Masaya sa bago kong trabaho. Maghihintay ka lang ng paglipas ng oras habang nagliliwaliw sa worldwide web. Syempre, kailangan mong makinig sa itinuturo ng trainer mo, pero mas gusto ko ngayong mag-type. Masyadong magulo ang isip ko para matuto ng panibagong computer system.


Pero wala naman talaga yung kinalaman dito eh.


Nabobobo na yata ako.


Nakakabobo ang wisdom tooth eh. At ang wisdom tooth ko, kahit ganoon ang pangalan n'ya, tanga s'ya. Tumubo s'ya pero sa halip na patayo, pahiga. Eh di kailangan ko ng anim na libong piso para ipabunot s'ya! Haaaaaay.


Wala rin yung kinalaman dito. Parang ako, puro simula, puro intro, pero wala namang chorus. Ni wala akong natatapos.


Mas mabilis pa tumakbo ang isip ko kaysa tunog. Ang dami-daming laman ng utak ko ngayon, hindi ko alam kung ano ang uunahin kong hulihin at ikulong sa mga titik at tuldok. Simbilis ng takbo ng buhay kong wala naman talagang destinasyon. Puro stop-over. Puro pa-gasolina. Parang roadtrip. Gusto ko nang bumaba...


Pero malabo, nasa expressway ako at kapag bumaba ako, mapanganib. Kailangan ko pang maghintay ng isang bayan na pwede kong babaan, ung may mapapara akong jeepney o traysikel. Pero may kulang pa rin...


Saan ako pupunta?


Nakakasawa ang roadtrip. Parang fireworks sa Bagong Taon. Pagkalipas ng ilang minuto, tapos na ang saya. Tapos na ang palabas.


Ang mausok na kalangitan na lang ang matitira sa'yo -- madilim, dahil tapos na ang pagsayaw ng mga ilaw. Nakakasawa maging malaya. Gusto kong pagbawalan ng nanay ko na lumabas sa gabi.


Gusto kong palagi niya akong tinatanong kung saan ako pupunta, at magtetext kapag umalis na ako sa bahay. Gusto kong pagalitan n'ya 'ko kapag madaling-araw na ako umuuwi, at parusahan kung tatlong araw akong hindi umuwi sa bahay nang hindi nagpapaalam. Gusto kong itrato n'ya kong parang walong taong gulang na bata. Bata pa lang ako.


Kunyari lang na kinakaya ang buhay sa labas ng bahay. Kunyari hindi na teenager. Kunyari independent. Kunyari.


Pero dapat ko 'tong panindigan. Gusto kong mabuhay na nang mag-isa. Magkaroon ng sarili kong bahay na sa akin lang ang lahat. Walang kaagaw sa banyo. Walang kaagaw sa toothpaste.


Walang ibang mag-iingay. Walang ibang kasama kundi ako at ang aking mga iniisip.


Sa roadtrip na to, nawawala ako. Wala akong destinasyon. Pero dahil sumakit ang wisdom tooth ko, naghahanap ako ng dentista. Pero wala akong mahanap. Nasa gitna ako ng rumaragasang kawalan. Walang saysay ang busina sa kawalan na lumulunod sa akin ngayon.


Masyado ko kasi yatang minadali ang buhay ko. Pati wisdom tooth ko tumutubo agad, nabobobo tuloy ako.

Rav De Castro
expressions
01:07

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6.04.2006

after a year of silence...

Let

me

bring

the

bloodresurrector

to

life!

Rav De Castro
expressions
00:57

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6.04.2005

the day the big bang created shattered pieces of my mug

twas more than just a non-spill mug. twas way deeper than being a starbucks mug. twas not just any other coffee mug. it is my mug from my bestfriend and soulmate. and i am getting maudlin here. aaarrgh, that mug!

it was cracked when i saw it. and chipped at the brim. and i wouldn't be able to put the cover. that sight made me so furious that i wanted to destroy everything in my way.

i so loved that mug. it was the medium for my caffeine-induced lucidity during the depth on the night where i was supposed to be awake and drool over the nirvana of sleep. it was the medium of quench when seawater will just burn my drying throat. it was the mug of life.

yeah, i'm really gettibg maudlin.

but i loved that mug! it was a christmas gift from my saviour other than jesus! oh jesus!

but relationships are not like plastic mugs. when plastic mugs get scratched or pilfered in any way, there's nothing that can be done to patch it up.

and now i'm talking about relationships. whoa.

alright. just don't hate me because the mug is now gone. i'll never be gone. onl m wrath went with the mug. we'll buy another one. or I'LL buy.

Rav De Castro
expressions
05:20

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6.02.2005

untitle i

d ii wanted to squeeze out my brain and drink the juice.
i wanted to write.
but i just could not do it.
now.
this is not a writer's block.
because who am i to call myself a writer when i have never published or even copyrighted a work of mine?
who am i to call myself a writer when i can not even write a decent piece when i wanted to?
who am i but a frustrated writer.
all wit defy me now. i am no squeezer of thought and so i'd surmise that my brain is dry and that i'll perish in thirst of a cannibalism hunger for my own brain juice.

Rav De Castro
expressions
05:41

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Comments:

oi rav! ahaha!!! pareho tayo!!

# posted by  Anonymous : 6:56 PM

 

yeah...and guess what, you were able to write something...

# posted by  moki : 10:04 AM

 

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4.27.2005

ganito pala kapag inaantok ka na nang sobra.




antok na antok na ko. pero hindi ako pwede matulog. actually, nandito ako sa trabaho. night shift. alam nyo naman, usong-uso ang night shift ngayon. oo, nakiuso naman ako.


oo, nagtatrabaho na ko. pero hindi pa ako nakakagraduate sa college. tumigil lang ako ngayong sem. akala ko kasi, sawa na ko mag-aral. akala ko, gusto ko na talga magtrabaho.


hindi pala.


ang kulit ko kasi. hindi ako marunong maghintay. gusto ko na lagi buhayin ang bukas. sa halip na mag-aral, ang gusto ko ay magtrabaho gaya ng isang college grad.


pero madali lang naman ako nakakuha ng mga trabaho.


pero grabe talaga, antok na antok na ko. alas-quatro na ng madaling-araw. dalawang oras na lang, puputok na ang araw. maaari na akong lumabas sa gusaling ito at salubungin ang pagputok. tapos, uuwi ako sa aming bahay, dederetso sa aking silid at wakas ay matutulog. hindi ako magpapagising sa liwanag.


nakaapagod pala kasi magtrabaho. parang naiisip ko, hindi ito patas. dapat ay ang pag-aaral ko ang pinagpapaguran ko ngayon. hindi ito. pero ito ang pinasok ko eh. tsaka ko na iisipin kung saan ang daan palabas kapag tinatawag na akong muli ni oble. sa totoo nga nyan, namimiss ko na rin ang puwitan niyang noo'y araw-araw tumatambad sa mukha ko.


hay.


sabik na ako sa kanya, kay oble. sabik na ako sa humanities. sabik na ako sa init ng panahon nito at sa mas mainit na pagtanggap ng mga tao rito. sabik na ko sa los baños.


gusto ko na siyang balikan.


para akong ugat ng halamang naghahanap ng tubig sa isang lupang tigang. para akong barkong naghahanap ng isang islang mapagdadaungan. para akong ibong naghahanap ng sangang mapagpapahingahan.


ngunit ang totoo, alam ko na kung saan ang tubig nagbubukal, kung saan naroon ang isla, kung saang dako nakatayo ang mga puno.


ayoko na yatang magpalipas pa ng maraming gabi sa lugar na ito.


gusto ko nang bumalik.


dahil antok na antok na ako. kailangan na ng isipan ko ng pampagising. kailangan ko nang ibangon ang aking diwa. kailangan ko nang muling bigyan ng makabuluhang buhay ang aking kaluluwa.


inaantok an ako. pero kaya ko pa ring maglakbay ngayong gabi.


hintayin mo ako, oble. d'yan ka lang sa los baños.


babalik na ako.

Rav De Castro
expressions
03:50

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Comments:

LB is gonna welcome you big time!

anyway, mahirap nga talaga ang magmadali. mahirap din ang mangulit. mahirap din an antukin (lalo na pag panggabi ka). maraming mahirap sa buhay, totoo yan. pero kung iisipin, may mga bagay na kapag inisip mo o pinansin mo, mawawala lahat ng hirap. this world is a bittersweet whirlpool embracing us with all its glory (or whatever you call it). at any rate, we're here.. and the best thing we can do is make the most out of it. (and well, prove that we deserve to be here!)

--mr. john robert--
www.johnrobertonline.tk

ciao! until then!

# posted by  Anonymous : 12:25 AM

 

thanks so much. i am working already somewhere here in alabang. of course, i'll be back in LB. it's the closest thing to heaven anyone can get. haha miss ko na ang LB ng O! cge, hope to see you there.. ;)

PS: i got a problem posting on your tagboard so i left the message here.. ;) another thing, at least sa blog, masaya ang mga buhay-trabaho natin! haha

-mr.johnrobert-

# posted by  Anonymous : 5:30 AM

 

ei...take it easy...andito naman kami. we gotcha back...kahit anong mangyai. kahit isuka ka ng mundo, tatanggapin ka namin...haha...dont be worryin too much...you fryin yo brains out! Chill dude! Best Advice? Asa takip ng mayonaisse: CHILL, DON'T FREEZE...i lab yu dude!

# posted by  moki : 6:03 PM

 

comment ko...2log ka muna! otei?! hehe...newayz...bata ka pa, andami mo pang pedeng gawin, andami pang pedeng baguhin, andami pang ibalik...kaya yan! saka ok lang yan, through taking risks can we be successful...narinig ko toh somewhere pero naniniwala ako dito!

# posted by  mask : 5:02 PM

 

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4.20.2005

Being swallowed by this


downward


current





of


broken dreams


and


broken hopes


and


broken smiles


and





crushed


spirits.





down to


a


dark


vacuum





of dank tears




and


a deafening solitude


a screaming anonymity




with


every


non-existent




Reality




And




there's


no light


at the end of the tunnel


only


the dank darkness


that leads to




the world of




Hopes and Dreams and Smiles




that


no one


knows of




except me.




march 30, 2005

Rav De Castro
expressions
17:24

Comments:

huy! moki to.nakakaasar ka. how do you do it? seriously? saya pare! tuloy lang! gumagawa na ko ng blog. na-inspire mo ko! char! ang totoo, naiinggit lang ako...hehe...ganda chong...

# posted by  moki : 3:22 PM

 

rav ang cute dito! =)

# posted by  pinky : 7:04 PM

 

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Linggo ng Pagkabuhay


ang hirap ng magkalayo tayo ng ganto. nahihirapan tlga ko. hindi dahil sa nasanay na ko na palagi ka kasama, pero dahil ikaw ang kailangan ko sa tabi ko.kaya ko ibigay lahat makasama lang kita ngayon.


gusto ko na magpasukan na para araw araw na tayo mgkakasama.. para hindi na kita mamimiss.. para araw araw na ko masaya. para araw-araw, nakikita kita at gabi-gabi, mapapanood ko ang pagtulog mo.


gusto ko na ring gumraduate pag gradute ka na. para sabay tayo lalabas sa mundo ng elbi. sabay nating iiwan ang lugar kung saan tayo nagtagpo, sabay tayong magmumulat ng mata. sabay nating lilisanin ang lugar kung saan naganap ang imposible. pero alam kong imposible un. dahil ilang taon pa ang gugugulin ko dito... nang mag-isa.


mauuna kang lumabas ng mundo. mauuna kang magmulat ng mata. at sana, anyo ko pa rin ang laging hanap ng paningin mo. dahil marami ka makikilala. at natatakot ako. dahil maraming nakahihigit pa sa akin sa labas ng mundo. at natatakot akong mahigitan nila ako.


pero sigurado ako, ako lang ang magmamahal sayo nang ganito.


pero akala ko rin imposible na makakita ako at magkaroon ng gaya mo.. akala ko imposible na mayroon akong mamahalin nang ganito, at akala ko rin, imposible na may magmamahal sa akin nang ganito.


napakasuwerte ko.dahil sayo.


ikaw ang dahilan ng napakaraming bagay sa buhay ko. dahil doon, ikaw na rin ang dahilan ng aking pagkabuhay.


dahil matagal na kong namatay...


sapagkat ang isang taong walang minamahal at walang nagmamahal ay isang taong walang buhay. humihinga lang. ngunit maging ang kanyang paghinga ay walang dahilan.


salamat sa pagbibigay sa akin ng dahilan. salamat sa pagbuga sa akin ng buhay. dahil sayo, mayroon akong buhay at dahilan upang ipagpatuloy ito.


kahit magkalayo man tayo ngayon, sapat na sa akin ang katotohanang iisang araw ang kumukulay sa ating umaga at iisang langit ang sumusukob sa ating gabi..


kasama kita sa aking pagtulog; naroon ka sa aking mga panaginip. at sa aking paggising, ikaw ang katuparan ng aking mga pangarap.


ikaw ang aking umaga. ikaw ang aking gabi. ikaw ang liwanag sa bukang-liwayway, ikaw ang kapayapaan ng dapit-hapon. ikaw ang amihang nagpapalamig ng aking disyembre, ang habagat na sa aki'y dumidilig kung agosto. ikaw ang hangin ng bawat buwan ng buhay ko.


at sa bawat paghinga ko, umaga man o gabi, bawat isa ay alay ko sayo, mahal ko.

Rav De Castro
expressions
13:47

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Comments:

hmmm...=)

# posted by  Anonymous : 3:48 PM

 

Post a Comment

4.18.2005

malaki raw ang mata ko

malabo naman. ang sakit na nga nila eh. walong oras ko nang kaharap ang monitor ng pc na ito. ayoko na sa kanya pero gusto ko pa. (meron kayang addictive chemicals na gini-give off ang internet? mai-search nga.) ansarap kasi magpalibot-libot sa internet. pero hindi masarap pag masakit na ang mata mo.


i-try nyo.


ang hirap kasi naka-contact lens ako. para akong may malalaking mga muta na hindi ko maaaring tanggalin kasi hindi na ko makakakita. putangnang astigmatism to!


minsan tuloy naiisip ko na mag-el shaddai.. baka kaya ng dasal to. baka pag pinahidan ko ng langis ang eyeballs ko lilinaw. baka kapag nag-blindfold ako ng el panyo ng el shaddai, biglang magiging 20/20 vision ko. baka pag nagdasal ako sa luneta, madinig ako ni yahweh. maingay kasi mga sasakyan sa bahay namin kasi nasa tabi kami ng highway.


alam ko naiisip mo... tanga. hindi nga ako makapag-eyeglasses kasi hindi ko na rin kagrado ung lens ko. ginawa ko na yun, pero nahilo ako at nasuka. siguro kaya rin ako nasuka eh dahil sa itsura ko. tsaka may iba ako gustong salamin. kaya eto, pinag-iipunan ko pa yung tommy frames na nakita ko sa sarabia optical. oo na, mahirap lang ako.


tas mahirap din magkaroon ng malabong paningin. at ng malalaking mga mata.


sabi ni karl, my eyes are so big he can see the future. ok lang, malaki naman ang utak ko. i can see his future.

Rav De Castro
expressions
17:18

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Comments:

adik din ako sa net. okay lang kung malaki mata mo. welcome sa purebeef!!!

# posted by  Anonymous : 8:44 PM

 

Post a Comment

4.13.2005

alessa and i in alternate universes


The quill
cries
black ink
that fills up the
vacuum
of oblivion
and seeps
through
immaculate pages
of tainted
white.


The black ink
cries
of the
emptiness
of the vacuum
that traps
the immaculate pages of tainted white
in oblivion.


The emptiness
of oblivion
is a vacuum
that taints
the immaculate pages
white.


And I am
oblivious
to the tainted beauty
of the immaculate.


As the quill
taints
the white pages
with
black tears.


To oblivion.

Rav De Castro
expressions
15:21

Comments: Post a Comment

drenched in flames




We can only gaze upon the night sky and admire the stars.


But the night sky veils all nocturnal matters: our hidden desires and nagging inhibitions. It shrouds darkness to everything underneath; the stars are but points of glitter that hushes us from our dread of a total darkness.


Then we get to pick our favorite star.



It shines the brightest, at least in our point of perspective. All the other points of glitter in the periphery are but oblivious specks of faint glow. We would want that star so much for we know that it could satisfy our desire to bathe in the light. Then something more intense than want and more zealous than desire follows -- something we could not even name... Then we would want to take hold of that point of glitter and take it as our own. We would yearn to have it.


And I believe that that pounding in our hearts is part of our being human. But part of our being human is our innate notion of right and wrong.


Or maybe it's the other face of fear.


Then the night sky would scatter its clouds and make us realize that our want and desire stops there. The feeling itself is the real end of the means. The stars ae for our eyes only. Our most adored point of glitter is only to be gazed upon.


Whatever emotion it triggers in our hearts, it is for the heart only. It follows the reality that we are all condemned to bless the earth, only the earth itself, and never grace the heavens. And this condemnation is our savior from death.


Our favorite star is for our eyes only; to touch it is our death raving in flames.

Rav De Castro
expressions
14:32

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4.12.2005

this letter's prObably nOt fOr yOu.


i miss you.


i miss you because i know only a third of what your other friends know about you. we never get to talk anymore. i never get to tell you my day's worth anymore. you never get to tell yours.


i miss you because i drink my coffee alone. and i never get to drink coffee at KA.


i miss you because i share my smoke with the wind and not with you. we used to burn our lungs together. but now, you burn urs with your newfound friends.


i miss you because i don't know you anymore. you don't know me anymore.i wanted you to be my sis at the uplb comartssoc because i want to be closer to you, but what happened is the opposite.


i guess my dream now exists in the alternate universe...


how i wish i could snatch from that universe the reality that i wished for us both.
if only i could, i would travel that far from you, even if i get sucked up by blackholes, i shall find an escape for you.


because i love you.


you told me once that i was the bestfriend that you never had.
i wish i still am. and i want to be your bestfriend.


but where are you now? are you now living together with my dreams in the reality of that alternate universe that i abhor?


i miss you so much.

Rav De Castro
expressions
17:19

---++---

Comments: Post a Comment

4.11.2005

a bag Of beans


You made me breathe mountain air
and cigarette smoke
as i drown my
thoughts in the lake in view
and my insides with
a tall macchiato.


And the macchiato
is bittersweet
but soothing
to my cold skin
being blown by
the chilly mountain
air,


Fogged by my cigarettte's
blue fumes
that warm
my lungs


So


I came to long for a warm
Touch.


And your hands look firm
Your fingers harbor the cigarette I gave you
with such
firmness


that
I wanted you to hold me,
too.


That I wanted to hold you to know
if
you are real.


That we breathe the same
air and smoke.


You went for another
cup
of coffee


One is not enough.


as I
palpitate (in such a lame fury)


not because


of the bittersweet macchiato,
or of the burning tobacco.


I know that the lake
in view
has a pot of flaming mud
in it's heart
despite its cool, blue, placid waters.


One could sometimes be not enough.



You're back with a smaller cup this time
with a promise of
taking me
to you


After coffee.


And then I lit
another umpteen stick
and
another string
of thought
came forth,


on how i am
not
supposed to
breathe
mountain air,
and macchiatos
can make me palpitate,
and there's sugar in the counter.


Brown and white.


Patience is a virtue.



We went to your
place.


Where
patience is a virtue.


But the fruits that were born are
like macchiatos.


Bittersweet.


And still I palpitate.


For your hands are
not firm
but are the innards of coffee jelly,


colder than the mountain air.


Maybe
I'm really not supposed
to be having coffee
and giving off tar fumes


here
in the mountain where there is a lake in view with a pot of flaming mud in its heart.


Because


Macchiatos
are bittersweet.

Rav De Castro
expressions
16:54

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4.10.2005

lOcal cOlOr




Your silence
speaks a
Thousand Words
that I cannot



comprehend.


For if
some things are best left unsaid
then
It's not the best for me.


For I am
a
planter
of words


And


I want to reap my fruits.


Yet silence be
the fruit that I shall reap


then
my seeds were misbegotten


in your land.


But I tilled
your land.


Night and Day.


I cultivate myself in you,


with
Words that I plant


and I make it richer by
my actions
which my words overwhelm


Because I talk much.
Because you listen well.


And you never show reaction.


That I wonder if my words are needles that prick you and make you numb...


You
tantamount
my words
with


Blanks


that I cannot fill


And I am but a scrabbler
stuck with consonants


and through vowels
I cry my Despair.


For you listen well.
And you listen well.


For you only listen.


Dumbfounded.


By my rapture of words
that whine and shout and yell and scream and whimper and moan
which i rant and blabber and scold and nag.


For
I am tired of planting
impotent seeds
and of tilling
ungiving land.


Actions speak louder than words.


Stab me.

Rav De Castro
expressions
16:07

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4.08.2005

an Ode tO the gOd Of wisdOm



yOu are my daylight
and my perennial mOOnlight
yOu are the blackhOle
that swallOws me whOle
until the universe falls apart
yOu will always be the


Other half Of my sky


yOur cOming is my salvatiOn
ascend me
spread my wings
the flicker in my veins
yOu set aflame
and i burn


fire has never been
this sweet
and fire never scOrched
as befOre
fOr yOu are the star that
i tOuched
with my death in raving flames
i live
fOr that fire, yOur fire
is
my


reasOn fOr being.

Rav De Castro
expressions
15:14

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4.07.2005

this time i wOn't cuss


my life has been a series of
chaos and disillusionment and broken arrows.
i have wanted to find peace in you but everytime i do so,
you were unavailable.
or you seem to be.


you have been so far,,,


and i don't think i can stand it anymore if you will finally leave.
and be farther than ever that i would not be able to reach you.


i don't want you to be a star in the night sky
that i can only gaze upon.
i want you to be my sunshine that i could feel.


but if that shall happen,
i would find ways to reach for you and touch you.
i would not care if you burn me. i am willing to return to ash for you.


please. give me a chance. give us a chance.


i chose to stay for i still love you. i am still so in love with you.
that is the reason why i still want to go on. love.


i am willing to change for the better. i am willing to give up my old ways which made you feel bad about me. only if you can give me a chance.


i have immersed myself in a quagmire, thinking that it is solid ground. but i have been wrong. and only you could save me.

Rav De Castro
expressions
17:27

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4.01.2005

first time



ok. right.
i am finally a blogger.
and i did this out of lack of things to do.


so now, i would be rather obliged to share my words with you.


you are now entitled to see my play of words.
and you can now see my style in playing the game of life.


damn.


life is one big play.

Rav De Castro
expressions
17:53

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Comments:

astig...danda mga drawing..gusto ko pagkamonochrome...at madami ako babasahing matalinhaga, na aking hilig..wahehhehe

keep it up!really great, man!

# posted by  Anonymous : 4:50 AM

 

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